im feeling a lot better. i think 2 days is the longest i can go without sunshine. as soon as the sun broke free of the clouds i felt better. kelly and i took a LONG walk on monday cause it was so nice outside (i was in sandles). then yesterday it was also nice out so walking home from work was very enjoyable. 

it really got me to inner self reflect. i found this quote the other day online and im trying to internatize it:

If the source of your happiness can be taken away, you’re not really happy. And of course, when I say happiness I don’t mean a smile on your face. I mean a deeper, inner happiness. A sense of peace with life.

If you’re happy for a reason, that reason can be taken away. True happiness isn’t based on externals. It comes from within.

Dig deep. Let’s be happy not because.

ugh. so i think ive based too much of happiness on other people. if they're not happy, im not happy. i truely let it get me down. so ive been working on finding what makes me happy, cause if i lose what was the foundation of my happiness, then im sol. so i did a random act of kindness yesterday. it filled me with such joy that im going to try and do it more often. it was very little, but it helped. 

xmas and a lot of fun with the family here. joel got a Flip Digital Camera and is loving it. ill upload the video of my parents opening up a xmas present. it always brings a huge smile to my face when i see it.

*HUG*

funk

get me out of this FUNK!

sunshine

this is how i felt all day yesterday..... ugh.... what a cranky mood i was in

luckily the sun is out today and i think ill be able to recharge my system. id like to go out tonight but i doubt thatll happen cause theres so much that needs to be done around the house.

ps. i didnt get frustrated last night ^_^

my bubble

you is frustration

i feel like i live in this bubble. a bubble of happyness. id like to say that i try to not let negative things affect me, but they just dont.... i think it just slides over my bubble. the thought that rage can be pent up was told to me a lot, but i never truely believed it. now i defintaly dont. rage doesnt get pent up. an 'explosion' of "pent up" remorse never happens when i do some i regret. so why would rage be any different?

so if i have this bubble, why have i allowed myself to get frustraded? it does me no good, but i still allow frustration to be the first thing out of my mouth sometimes... let me give you an example:

out washing machine is leaking, so i placed a towel on the ground the soak up the water while i was at work. when i got home i put it in the sink. when we were getting rdy for bed, joel asked me to move the towel so he could wash his face. i was reading my book and in a frustrated voice, fussed at him to take care of it himself.

now why did i do that? was i annoyed that he interrupted my reading? was i annoyed that he just didnt didnt take care of the 'situation'? was i tired? idk, but why did i let frustration take over me so easily?

now that ive recognized ive let frustration into my bubble, how do i push it out?

new hair

im gonna do it... im gonna grow out my hair! my inspiration? edward from twilight:



im nervous cause ive never ever had long hair... i mean... 2 inches is the longest.... AHHHHH!!! grow hair grow

thanksgiving